13th Play - The Complete History of America (abridged) by Adam Long, Reed Martin and Austin Tichenor
Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor and Dominic Conti in "A Complete History of America (Abridged)." Photo Credit not found.
I heard this one was funny, and since I now have a copy in my library, thought I’d give it a read. Oh boy …
Summary: “600 years of history in 6000 seconds … history will never be the same! From Washington to Watergate, yea verily from the Bering Straits to Baghdad, from New World to New World Order – THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF AMERICA (ABRIDGED) is a ninety-minute rollercoaster ride through the glorious quagmire that is American History, reminding us that it's not the length of your history that matters — it's what you've done with it!” Broadway Play Publishing
Laura’s thoughts in brief: To be fair, I read the original 1993 script. The script has now been updated a couple of times, the last in 2024 which was billed as a “Special Election Edition.” So, the version I read was dated. Severely dated. Apparently they’ve added a lot of more recent events. I can only hope they’ve addressed some of the egregiously offensive parts. I read this play with a very fussy look on my face and it didn’t ever go away … The first section was slightly amusing, especially because it was introduced by, “1492 Spain! The first chapter of the history of America is about to be written by that legendary Italian explorer …” When it turns out to be Amerigo Vespucci instead of Columbus, we are surprised! And, hey, I appreciate a good fish slap as much as anyone. Later, when they’re addressing why they skipped over Columbus, Austin says: “Yeah, but in fairness to Columbus, though, he was the first man to slaughter and enslave the native population in the name of Christianity, and he became very wealthy in the process. So in that sense, he was the first true American.” I bet that part is still in it. And it’s funny today, because it feels accurate. Sadly. Sigh. ‘Merica! But then one of the trio comes in dressed like an Indigenous person and spends a LOOOONG time telling the Indigenous version of the creation of the “First People.” Maybe that was their attempt to honor Indigenous people, but it just seems to poke fun and them (and, to be fair, white people too.) The writing is not stupid - these guys were poking big fun at America and EVERYONE, but it just felt … icky reading it in the 21st century after the 2024 election. Then we have all the men dressing up as women. That’s always funny, right? Ack. There’s a lot of it in this play, since it’s only three men doing the whole history. There were nods to us feminists, including an audience quiz called Queen for a Day about famous American women (Emma Goldman, Rosa Parks), but then they undercut it by telling everyone the answer to each question is Whoopi Goldberg. ??? Then the show just goes on and on and I personally got bored. Ironically, I had trouble finding reviews from big reputable theatres. It seems like this show is more of a hit in the suburbs and in places where they don’t see a lot of theatre. Mostly people had a great time, but some people (like me) found it to not be so funny. So - I can only assume the revised version is better? I will likely not be reading to find out. Long, Martin and Tichenor’s idea was funny with The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged), but is getting a bit tired (Although they currently have 11 shows in this style now …). If for some reason you HAVE to do this show, PLEASE CAST A WOMAN (and some non-white people)!!! Watching three white men make fun of our country right now is … tough. Not recommended by me.
READ MORE! Here’s what others had to say about productions:
https://www.nytimes.com/1993/07/24/theater/review-theater-america-as-loony-as-it-is-beautiful.html
https://www.sevendaysvt.com/arts-culture/airless-america-2141530
Jess Borgeson, Reed Martin, and Adam Long (performers), The Complete History of America (abridged), by Adam Long, Reed Martin, and Austin Tichenor, The Reduced Shakespeare Company presented by Folger Theatre, 1994. The Reduced Shakespeare Company.